Fighting "getting canceled" can be like throwing gasoline on a fire. Discover easy ways to just let it go and walk away.
This is part 2 of a 2-part series on How to Avoid Getting Canceled. Be sure to check out the other episode (29).
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It's really empowering if you are being cancelled to be able to just say, okay, whatever. The thing about, quote getting cancelled, it really all just comes down to communication. The thing about communication is it involves two parties, right? We'll just keep it simple, we'll say two, it involves the encoding of a message from the sender, who chooses How to say something, what words to use, if you're speaking in person, your tone and inflection and that sort of stuff, and then decoding by the receiver. And that comes along with their whole entire life background, right? All of the experiences, they've had all the filters they have in their brain for how they process information, how they see themselves, their belief models. So even something really simple, that seems like oh, I just said something very simple, so many opportunities for that to get completely, I guess, misconstrued right in the whole process of encoding and sending the message and decoding and receiving the message. Now, we're going to look at an example of this, to give you an idea to kind of illustrate it, but once we do that, it starts to become easy to realize, like, oh, man, there's so many places where this message can really go off track, right. And result in somebody you know, basically canceling someone else. Whether it be just canceling you your ideas, what you think what you've stated, you socially, you interpersonally you in any way, shape, or form. And when you see all the ways this could go awry, then it just gets a lot easier, just accept that and say, okay, you know, I just, I've done my best it is what it is, maybe I'm gonna learn from it, whatever, but not get all tore up about quote getting cancelled. In the example I wanted to share was one that I just had recently where a student submitted a piece of work. That was, it needed work, okay. And I refer to design principles, which, you know, having been in that field for many, many decades are widely known and widely accepted. Basically, the principle of economy, which is also sometimes called simplicity, or minimalism. And I was just sharing that when you use economy, every choice counts, and therefore, I kind of like it as a way to really flex your design muscle and get really good at design. Because when every choice speaks volumes, you have to be really, really thoughtful about the elements that you use and how you use them. And then I received reply, which made no sense to me whatsoever, I couldn't even understand how it related to the conversation I thought that we were having. And long story short, I come to find out that this particular person had absolutely zero training skills experience in design in general. And they had no idea about these concepts or that the words that I was using, were referring to standard concepts and design. And what ended up happening was, they literally thought that I was calling them simple that that was a personal statement about their intelligence, or them as a person, which you can see why they would get really upset, right. But once that idea had taken hold it, it just was what it was, you know, they weren't super willing, apparently are able to, to come back and regroup on the communication that was trying to be had. So I just had to accept that I'm like, Okay, okay, I can't do anything really about this, I've done what I can. But at the end of the day, if you just realize there is all this encoding and decoding of communication going on, there are going to be hiccups, bumps in the road hurdles. impasses that just can't be you know, made. And you just have to accept it. I think we want to fight being canceled because we want to validate ourselves, right? And that's another form of acceptance, just saying it's okay, I'm still awesome. Even other person doesn't understand me or perceive me that way. And people just have differences. And the third element of this is like a communication, tug of war, interpersonal tug of war. If you throw the rope, that somebody is gonna pull on it, right, if somebody throws your rope and you pull on it, they're gonna pull back, it never ends, it becomes a tug of war. But when you just say I'm not gonna throw the rope, I'm not going to grab the rope. You know, with regard to this canceling business, then basically the fight or the action or the drama or the conversation, just diffuses so when it comes to being canceled, sometimes you just got to accept it and move on.