5 Minute Success Mindset

Is This Paradoxical Fear Holding You Back?

September 29, 2021 Kristen Becker Season 2 Episode 34
5 Minute Success Mindset
Is This Paradoxical Fear Holding You Back?
Show Notes Transcript

When you want to achieve a goal so bad you can taste it but the biggest thing holding you back is you. What the hell is up with that? let's find out!

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Unknown:

Hey, let's ask the question, could a paradoxical fear actually be holding you back from achieving your goals? And here's the thing. We say we want to achieve a certain goal, it could be a vitality goal, a business or a career goal or relationship goal. And the fact of the matter is, if someone else has achieved it, then you know, without question that it is possible. In fact, you probably don't even need that validation, you probably in your heart already know that it's possible. And not only that, but you probably already know all of the things you need to achieve the goal. And yet, you find yourself floundering, it happens to all of us. But why is that? And here's the crazy thing, it's actually a fear of success, it is perfectly natural, it happens to all of us. And when you just look at the underpinnings, you know the dynamics of what's going on, then you can say, Oh, I understand this. And then you can say, I know what to do to work around this, and to work through it. And the irony is that a fear of success is actually rooted in a fear of abandonment, a fear of a loss of familiarity. So let's just break that down. Where in the world would a fear of abandonment come from? Because of success, we tend to think, Oh, well, when I'm successful in all these different things, I will feel more worthy, more accepted and get more love. But actually, the opposite is true. Because when we change who we are, when we evolve, which is perfectly natural, then we risk not being accepted by our tribe, our familiar tribe of people that we know we're going to get a certain amount of emotional support and stimulation from, think about it this way, all the ways in which we struggle, have emotional payoffs, right? We get support, we get sympathy, we get compassion, we get help. And not only that, but when we start moving out ahead of the pack, so to speak, by achieving a certain type of success, then what happens is the people around us are familiar tribe, they have to start asking themselves, could I do that? Why am I not doing that, and they actually feel threatened. And when I say they, us to, you know, we do this all to one another, it's not the good guys versus the bad guys. It's just a psychological and human behavior, part of our beingness and our togetherness as tribes and groups of people. So basically, as we evolve in whatever way that special goal or achievement that you're really excited about, the people that are closest to us, and are most familiar and everyday, people have to either do one of two things, they have to either adapt and evolve along with us, allow us to evolve, accept the new US, the new version of us, or, you know, kind of filter out right, and then we move on to different people who are more aligned with our current selves, our current goals, the current ways that we're showing up in life. So to put that in another way, as you evolve, your relationships will either evolve or dissolve. And it's frightening to think sometimes of that, that potential of dissolving, right and letting go or relationships. And we got the whole sunk time cost thing, you know, gosh, I've invested so much time and my heart energy and everything into this relationship. And it's scary to move on. And this fear, actually will keep us back, hold us back. And okay, well, maybe it's just easier not to change not to evolve not to be successful in this endeavor, and not to have to face all of that. So what do you do? Well, the good news is that sheer awareness is half the battle, probably more than half the battle. And when you're just aware that this is happening, it could be happening, then if you don't feel like you have unexpected emotions, you don't feel like the rug is being pulled out from under you. As you're aware of it, you can plan for it, you can work through it, you can recognize that it's going on and make different choices at every step of the way. And so if you're ready to either nurture the evolution that needs to be nurtured, and fostered and cared for, in certain relationships, or willing and ready to recognize that some have played their role, right, where people come into our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime, and be willing to gradually shift out of those relationships, then it empowers you to be successful without that fear, that underlying fear the big elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about. And so one thing you can do for that is to also at the same time, be looking for and nurturing and fostering new relationships, that foster how you're evolving how you're growing, how you're being successful, so that you can be surrounded by people who support that and nurture that in you. So instead of letting the actual fear of success, paradoxically hold you back. You can be aware of it you can see that it's going on, you can bring it out into the light and dust it off and see what you can do about it and factor that into all of the other things that you're doing to be successful in your endeavor.