There are some people you just can't please. No matter how much you try, you will never win their approval. This is one of my emergency tools for getting off the emotional treadmill.
Be sure and check out the next episode too where I share my emergency tool to stop ruminating thoughts when you are angry with someone.
Have you ever encountered somebody in your life who just makes you feel unworthy, right? worthless, devalued, it's a horrible feeling. And depending on what kind of relationship you have with this person, you know, if it's somebody that you don't want to maintain a relationship with, then you just have your own feelings to kind of contend with moving forward. But when it's somebody that we actually want to maintain a long term relationship with, and this might be happening at kind of a low kind of passive aggressive level, right, but it's happening, then we end up on this kind of emotional treadmill, where we're always trying to win their approval, right. And that's not healthy, it's not a good place to be, we are all worthy of being loved of feeling accepted, and that we are belong, that we belong in our group, right? This is a birthright, we don't have to earn it, then kind of need this practical, they will what, what do I do, and now I have this kind of, I need to come up with a name for it, I guess kind of my emergency kit, my emergency kit of things that I like to do, and I'm like, Okay, this is happening, I need to open up my emergency kit and use one of these practices to see how I can move through this in a constructive, healthy, positive way. And for me, I have this little thing I call the three C's. So I realize like, Alright, I'm on this kind of emotional treadmill with this person can't seem to win their approval no matter what I do, or say, and that's not cool. I don't want anything to do with that I'm not gonna keep doing this. But potentially, I want to also maintain a long term relationship with them. That is healthier. And so here are the three C's first number one is to be compassionate. We don't have to inform that person of this, but just an awareness that what they're really doing is based on their own feelings of lack of worth, right? Psychologically, we know this, again, we don't need to share it with them, but just to have compassion, like, you know, sucks for me, I hate dealing with this. But on some level, I recognize that they are suffering, and I'm going to allow for some compassion, in just how I feel about this. In my heart, heart energy, very important, not going to get into that today. But the second C is choice. And we have choices in everything in life. And I think a lot of times we think, Oh man, I really have a choice here or when I want to maintain a relationship with this person. But the truth is, you do have a choice. We have a choice, to exercise our freedom to choose not to be accepted this way. We have choices in how we communicate to the other person, what we're okay with what we're not okay, with setting boundaries, sticking to the boundaries, right, we have choices, as to the extent of our engagement, maybe we're just not going to engage with them as fully or deeply for a while we need time, or maybe even permanently, but just the whole big idea of choices. And absolutely everything about how the situation continues to unfold is preceded by this series of choices that we've made. So just be compassionate, recognize that you do have choices and start using that freedom, right, make the choices. And the third thing is that my see is that I like to claim, I like to reclaim my internal commitment to my birthright to feel loved, to feel safe, to feel worthy. And when you reclaim this internal commitment, this alone, like will instantly raise your vibration, you're gonna like yep, okay, it's fine, whatever they're doing their thing that's happened, and you're gonna feel more empowered. And you're gonna find that your emotions rise up to a place that just feels better, right? And this claiming, and if need be reclaiming this internal commitment to yourself and to your birthright is going to help to keep you more aligned with all of the experiences and choices and everything that helped to maintain that vision that you have for yourself. So that they're my friends, is my little emergency toolkit. Things I like to do and think about and put into practice when I find myself on an emotional treadmill of trying to win someone's approval or dealing with their projections of their disapproval. I hope that you find it very helpful. Like anything else guy use it, just explore it, experiment with it, see what it holds for you. And I will talk to you super soon.