The Kristen Becker Podcast

Shame- Avoid It With This Biology Based Emotional Emergency Tool

March 02, 2022 Kristen Becker Season 3 Episode 16
The Kristen Becker Podcast
Shame- Avoid It With This Biology Based Emotional Emergency Tool
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Show Notes Transcript

Shame is one of the most toxic emotions!  Listen to learn a biology based "emotional emergency" tool you can use to avoid feeling shame. 

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Today I want to share with you a little emergency practice that you can tuck into your emotional emergency toolkit for when you are being shamed for when someone is shaming you, or for whatever reason, shame comes onto the scene. Now, to preface this, I just want to say, shame is one of the most toxic emotions, there is no place for shame in our lives. It does so many terrible things, both short term and long term both biologically emotionally, spiritually to our psyches. You definitely want something in your emergency toolkit to deal with shame, because also it's something people love to throw around. It's crazy. I don't know why everybody does this to themselves and each other, but it happens. Um, so today, I just want to I call it fighting biology with biology. So to begin with that, let's look at what happens when we feel insulted, devalued, ridiculed, right? These are things that happen to us that are going to initiate this feeling of shame. And we know biologically, that's what that what is happening on the inside is that we're producing more adrenaline, right? That adrenaline is released, our heart starts pumping faster. Literally, they can see in MRI brain scans that our brains resources are shifted from the logic and reason part of our brain to the fight or flight part of their our brain, right. And while all this is happening, our sympathetic nervous system is kicking into high gear taking over the show. And I don't have to tell you that this is a terrible way to feel we can all picture what that feels like, right? Biologically, the stress, the actual feeling in the body is terrible. And we are also not intended to feel this way for duration for long term. And the thing, one of the things I dislike most about shame is it. It's kind of like a slow drip, a slow drip of abuse, emotional abuse, when you shame somebody that they're going to stay with their sympathetic nervous system in this heightened state with cortisol being released, the stress hormones being released for an extended period of time, which is just even just physically, if you just want to look at it physically, our bodies are not meant to function this way. And it's terrible for us, it leads to all sorts of dis ease disease, right? emotional upset, and trauma. And so again, I mentioned I just went to, with this little emergency emotional toolkit item, fight biology with biology. And here's the thing. Oh, man, you guys, I know you're gonna like see, she did not just say that it's so simple. It's so simple, but biologically powerful. Breathing, sit down, take a few deep diaphragm breaths. And what this is going to do is this is going to activate your parasympathetic nervous system. And your parasympathetic nervous system is the part of your nervous system that is all about rest and relaxation, right? Creating the biological responses in your body, that that create rest, that create relaxation, that create peace and safety. And so even though it seems so incredibly simple, it absolutely works. So if you find yourself in a situation where someone is attempting to project some type of Shame on you, instead of just cussing them out and ghosting them, which is fight or flight instead, you know, and I'm not saying you can't do that to give it a whirl. Take a few deep breaths, give yourself a moment to just calm down and be at peace. Let them go let their BS go. And take these deep diaphragm breaths and let your Paris sympathetic nervous system. Take over and see how you feel. See how it's different than maybe things that you've done in the past. It's really easy. And I like the fact that sometimes the biggest, like things that have the biggest impact or the easiest. So I hope that you enjoy that and hope that you experiment with it in your life. And I will talk to you soon