When To Share Goals With Friends & Family

There's nothing worse than getting excited about and committing to a big personal goal, only to have your friends and family knock the wind out of your sails. Listen to learn more about how to figure out who to share your goals with and when it's better to keep them to yourself. 

Transcript

Unknown: 0:00

When you have a major leveling up stretch goal, a huge vision, something that is a very big change in your life. Do you share that with other people? And if so, when? And why? When is it a good idea? When does it definitely not help? And I asked this question recently on social media and got a wide range of answers. And from my own perspective and experience of trial and error in this, I have a couple of things to just propose, you know, that you can think about. Now, obviously, we all want to evolve and stretch and grow. It's literally part of, you know, our experience in this lifetime, right. And when you do that, also, there's the whole idea that it involves a lot of fear, because you're moving away from the comfortable, the habitual, the known into the unknown, you have got to upgrade your beliefs about yourself, and what is possible in your life. And it would be so much easier, it is so much easier when we have support. Oh, but that's not always the case. So here's where I want to start with this. Just actually, with a personal experience, a story from my own life, I had made a secret decision within myself, explored something and decided to take action on it. I picked up my boyfriend, John from work, and he just looked at me and he said, What are you up to, you have got to look on your face. And I was like, Okay, it's never never I'm going to tell him. And so I told him what I had committed to. And without batting an eye, it was clearly no change in his demeanor, or anything. He said, If you believe that will help you, I'll make it I'll help make it happen. And this was such a powerful and amazing thing. This is what we pray for, right? That somebody in our life, when we say, Hey, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna make this really big move, that they are like I'm in, I'm on board, I support you. And he ended up passing away a couple of months after this. But that was truly one of the greatest gifts that he ever, ever gave me. I think about it all the time. And it's a really powerful statement, if we just unpack it quickly, for a second, the whole idea of if you believe that will help you, I will help make it happen. He was giving me permission to believe in myself, and a lot of people close to us. Don't do that. I don't think it's intentionally out of malice. I'll get to that in a second. But when we have someone that does, it is a game changer. It just opens these floodgates of energy and emotion and belief in yourself and committing to your dreams and your goals. Now on the flip side, sometimes we share our big dreams and goals and ambitions with someone. And they start to plant seeds of doubt, right. And then we've got to weed those weeds basically out of our own psyche out of our own beliefs, as we move forward in taking the action required to achieve these dreams and these goals. And the truth is we invited that into our lives, we invited those weeds into our garden by sharing our vision and our dream and our idea with this person. So this is why it's important to just start thinking about well, who can I share this with that will support me, and who is it better that I not share this with? Part of what I think is at play here is that we naturally surround ourselves with like minded people, people who have similar mindsets and beliefs and life circumstances as to where we are right now we feel comfortable with them, we can relate to them. And those people share our beliefs that we are trying to overcome that we are working to move beyond right. And so asking them to adopt a new belief because you have is, it's a big deal. It's just all that fear that you have, they have that same fear. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, more often than not, a lot of people close to you in your immediate life, when you share a really big stretch goal, are not going to be that supportive, loving person that you would hope they'd be and then we kind of internalize that, like they think I'm not worthy, or they think I'm not capable. But that's not the case at all. It's just them butting up against their own fear. So I love that phrase to pray in secret, right? Let your results spark the conversation down the road when they say hey, wow, I noticed you have bought a new house or you've been in this great relationship. Are you really taking your business to the next level or your career to the next level? What are you doing? You know, let your results spark the conversation. And then you can share with them? Well, you know, this is what I did. You can do it too, and be that same person for another person later. A third thing that I find really helpful is to expand your own social network, right? Find people who are a few steps ahead of you who are engaged in achieving whatever is the big juicy dream that is your vision or are already there. And just as the people with the similar mindset of where you are now it's the same thing. You're going to naturally engage in their mindset adopt their belief models, they are going to be more supportive of you, because they themselves are on or have been on this journey. So to sum up, you've got basically three choices. Well, number one, you've made this big, juicy goal, you've set this vision, you're so excited, you absolutely can do it. You deserve to believe in yourself, you deserve to achieve all this stuff. So the next step is to consider in your awareness like Well, who do I want to share this with and why? Who could potentially be supportive of me and help me achieve this and vice Who should I maybe keep my mouth shut down because they're gonna plant seeds of doubt and I am not able to deal with that right now on this stage of my vision. Just a little something to think about there. You absolutely can do anything you deserve to achieve that big juicy vision, that big juicy goal, you can do it you can do it, you can do it. And I will talk to you again very soon.